At our summer lunch Alison invited Claire, one of our parents to share her experiences about Ruby’s. Here is what she wrote. It’s an insightful piece of writing and we are Ruby’s are privileged to be part of Claire and Luna’s journey.
“I have written a short reflection of my own experience of being a send parent and the memories and effect of being supported by the wonderful people at Rubys Fund. I hope you enjoy”.
I’m on a treadmill. I can’t get off. I’m not even sure it’s even me on there anymore. It’s still dark outside and there’s only a few other gym members here at this time in the morning. They don’t notice me. Perhaps consumed in their own thoughts, or maybe on the work they will put in there that day. Everyone’s on their own path I think to myself. No need for conversation. No need to ask for help to stop running. Keep running and everything will be okay.
On the 4th of December 2020 my beautiful daughter Luna made her arrival into this world. A somewhat difficult birth, I imagined all the exciting things we would do together. My child would be fluent in several languages, learn to play instruments, have a wide circle of friends and go on holiday abroad with us. The doctors, midwives and a sea of students joined in with support and words of encouragement. Come on Claire you got this! You’re going to meet your baby soon!
The next few months in lockdown were difficult as they were for everyone I think. I didn’t have a village and believed that if I could just keep going on my own things would be different. I signed up to a milestones app. Eagerly anticipating the next step. I read up more and more about child development not allowing myself to see that Luna was behind her peers. I spent the next couple of years berating myself for not being able to teach my child how to use
cutlery, how to wave, how to point, how to talk.
I finally reached the stage where I needed to find some help for us. Turned away because of a lack of diagnosis in many instances. Not part of that club.
Feeling judgemental stares as Luna flapped, shouted, refused to hold my hand, make eye contact, and follow any kind of instruction at many local playgroups I searched desperately online for somewhere we could feel some sense of belonging.
In November 2022 I went to the first of many send sessions with Ruby’s Fund. I remember walking in filled with anxiety, anticipating that feeling of once again of not fitting in. Instead I left with a smile feeling that we had found our village at last.
I don’t look back now on the first few years and feel guilty for not understanding my child’s needs. For not understanding myself as a send
parent. This understanding took time with the help from our village. I look back now and I remember the happy times, Luna’s infatuation with hey duggee that still exists at age 5. Her little tip toe walk as she made her way to the garden. I think of Luna giving us all the runaround at the Ruby’s Fund paddling pool sessions last year. Staff fishing out her swim shoes, her grinning at us as she refused to leave the centre of the pool knowing full well that
it was time to leave. Watching us form a plan along the edges as to what may encourage her out. I think about her time lay on the yoga ball upstairs in the centre. Her time on the swings in the soft play. Her ability to recruit anyone around her to help her in and give her a push. The winter walk at Astbury. The look of excitement on her face as she ran ahead of us, no longer having to sit in a buggy to keep her safe, learning to keep in a trusted adult
line of sight, me learning to let go a little.
I think of the coffee at Ruby’s Fund back in November 2022. The fact I could drink it while it was still hot. I think of this time every time I drink coffee at the centre now although back then I remember i was still nervous and still needed to be able to see my child at all times to make surethey were safe. Now I don’t worry. Luna is safe when we’re with our village. But trust takes time and so does allowing yourself to breathe, be in your own thoughts. Step out of the role of send parent and just be yourself.
I’m back in the gym now but now I can choose to slow down. I make eye contact with others. Their understanding faces recognising the work put in, the effect it may have for both the short and long-term future. I notice the sun is shining through the window promising a beautiful day and I feel a sense of gratitude for the here and now and for how far we have come. I think I will always be on that treadmill. The worry you have for your children, the advocacy and support needed to look after them is ongoing. But we are not alone. We have our village and for that, we will be forever thankful.